[ ♡ ] Can’t get enough of winter neutrals

The great thing about winter is that wearing only neutrals is completely acceptable. I don’t find many colors that I’d like to wear that isn’t some version of a neutral.

I love that Celine Jacket, the camel color, the design and especially how it’s paired with that navy scarf. I wish I could rock a jumpsuit but with my height, I know I’d look ridiculous. It’s especially nice paired with the red clutch. It makes an otherwise plain outfit pop. I’m also really liking black paired with camel like in the last two looks. The coat is structured but beautifully broken up with the tied belt. I love the leather on the last jacket. And of course the Marni Satchel, perhaps my favorite lust bag at the moment.

Michael Kors bandy shoes. I’ve been looking for a pair like this. I have a lot of black strappy shoes but my straps are much smaller. I imagine this to get uncomfortable after a while though with the bands digging into your skin. I also love the bags and the see through shoe!

♡ PaNhia

[ ♡ ] Fanfic – I N | T O X I C A T I N G – chapter 2

Chapter 2 | back to Invisible

“Welcome to South Korea. The time is now 2:15 Korean time and the weather is slightly sunny with a fall breeze at 21 degrees Celsius. Thank you for flying Korean Air and we hope to serve you again in the near future.”
Haewon sighed, turning her attention away from the parting announcements and pressed her fingers to her temple, trying to quell a headache that had suddenly begun.

The flight was a long one and left her feeling anxious and uneasy. Usually she liked flying, liked the beginning bumps and shakiness of taking off. She even enjoyed the slight turbulence up thousands of feet in the air because it gave her heart the jolt it needed from time to time. But there was something about the thought of stepping back into Korea that made Haewon breathe a little harder. This was only the beginning but if she did her job quickly and completely, with any luck, she should be gone by the week’s end.

Of course she knew why her mind and body protested as she walked through customs, glancing at the displays and posters like a tourist. Every step she took brought her a little closer to the different person she used to be. The further she rolled her suitcase, the limper she felt, like she was walking straight into the black whole she only crawled out of 5 years ago.

Stepping through the glass doors and into the Incheon air, she exhaled, committing herself mentally to her execution plan. Her gut clenched a little, seeing the swarm of black heads surrounding her. She was about to flag down a taxi when the familiar sound of chimes started ringing from her purse.

“So how is it?” Chase’s eager voice greeted her on the line.

She took a second to answer, “Did you call to see if I got here safely or did you call to see if I’d chicken out?”

“The latter,” he answered without hesitation, “I had $10 that you’d at least step outside the airport before you decide to turn around.”

“That’s it? Your confidence in me was only worth $10?”

“10 was pushing it sister” he replied, “in all seriousness though, you alright?”

Haewon sighed, feeling as unsure as the note in his changed tone, “I think I should be.”

“Haewon, I wish I could come sooner but with you not being sure how long you’ll be there, I have to rearrange your schedule for at least two weeks before I can come.”

“Chase, I’m not a baby, I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m older than you. You should be calling me noona not worrying about how I’ll fare among my countrymen and women…” she laughed, trying to make a joke of it but she knew that Chase knew exactly what kind of inner turmoil boiled beneath those silly words.

She flagged down a taxi and got into the car while the taxi driver came around and helped her slide her luggage into the trunk.

“To Seoul, here’s the address—” she said, handing him a piece of paper. Returning to Chase she said, “Anyways, if things go my way, I’ll get this deal and be back in New York in no time. I’ve already set up a meeting with their head buyer.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if you’re delayed, what if the deal doesn’t go through? Are you going say sorry umma and come straight home or are you going to play Haewon Hero and push until you get the contract? That could take days, weeks, and months even.”

Haewon groaned and inhaled, her headache intensifying. She hadn’t thought about the possibility of not getting the contract or what would happen if she didn’t get it, “of course you know I won’t leave without winning it.”

Chase snorted as if he knew she was already going to say that, “that’s what I mean, if it doesn’t happen right away I know you’re going to guilt yourself into staying there until you figure something out, which means you have to pick up business over there.”

“You’re giving the Advil a hard time Chase…” she replied, rubbing her forehead as thousands of thoughts drilled her mind. She hadn’t thought that far ahead. She had just barely managed to move two weeks out of her life into small crooks and crannies of her future schedule so that she could make this trip.

“If it takes more time, I’ll fly over and we can pick up where we left off, you know your business is mostly mobile except for a few shipment details.”

Haewon looked into the phone knowingly. She had wondered when he would offer his companionship. God, was she that weak that she couldn’t even come back for two weeks without her assistant sailing the high seas to rescue her?

“Chase, I’ll be ok. I just generally don’t want to be here longer than I have to. You know I hate doing this. I felt invisible for 7 years of my life. And I agreed to it myself so yes, it’s my fault but I don’t want to go back to that again anymore than I have to.”

She heard chase sigh and knew what was coming, “look Haewon, you’re 26, you’re a successful business owner in a land of corporate domination in one of the toughest markets, and I don’t see why you don’t just come out with it already! She’s old enough now, she’ll get it.”

Her mind thrummed with frustration, Chase wasn’t helping.

“I know, I get it. I own the world, etc. etc., but I made a promise and I’ll keep it, I’ll just have to suck it up until I get that coveted contract. Look I’m pulling up, I’ll call you soon and thanks for getting me this phone on short notice, you even set up the chimes. Take care of my phone will ya? Bye!”

And she hung up before Chase could hammer more into her past.

She paid for the cab fare and rang the buzzer.

While she waited, she tried to look over the high concrete fence that shielded her childhood home from view. She could only see bits the top few floors even though her house was on a hill. She knew from years of standing in this very spot that she was staring at the east corridors and just beyond it to the left was a room she’d long forgotten.

Her reminiscing was interrupted by a loud buzz, “come in.”

Haewon didn’t recognize the voice but in a house this size, she wasn’t surprised there were new maids. She pushed the door open and began her walk up to the house, immediately feeling her sense of self and control begin to fade. Something raw and painful gnawed at her chest as she stoically glanced around, replaying memories in her head.

When she arrived at the door, she made a move to turn the knob when it swung open to reveal a tall and thin aging but beautiful woman.

“Haewon!” she exclaimed breaking her posture to pull Haewon into a tight embrace.

Haewon smiled, reveling in the woman’s embrace, genuinely glad to see her mother again.

“Umma, you’re crushing me…” she mumbled though with a hint of a smile. Of all the reasons not to come to Seoul, receiving a warm welcome from this woman nearly made up for them.

“Oh sorry dear,” her mother replied, her cheekbones prettily flushed with excitement, “come in, come in, just leave those there, someone will get them.”

Haewon nodded, hooking arms with her mother, letting her lead the way.

“You get more and more beautiful each year, you really should’ve been my daughter” her mother sighed, starring up at Haewon with a mix of happiness and something else.

Haewon smiled thinly, reminded again of why she left.

“So how was the flight?” Mrs. Lee asked abruptly.

“It was long,” Haewon replied, “but I’ll survive.” She smiled, her single left dimple making an appearance across her fine features.

“You always do,” Mrs. Lee smiled, a flash of sadness glazing over her eyes, “I know you didn’t want to come back dear, and I understand why but I have to ask you to do it again..I know it’s tiresome but Mijung is in her last year and she would be devastated at this point in her life. She’s just starting to become more confident..”

Tiresome, Haewon mused over the word. That was how her mother viewed it, the process that kept Haewon invisible and made her question herself for most of her life. It was merely tiresome. But she didn’t say anything because she knew it was better than being alone. So she grinned and nodded awkwardly. She knew the topic was going to come up but she didn’t know it would be so soon. “Don’t worry umma, I know how she feels and I won’t jeopardize her happiness with old news.”

Mrs. Lee smiled broader than earlier now that she had Haewon’s reassurance, “Haewon, you’re so sweet. I always said no one loves your sister as much as you. Now let’s get you settled in one of the rooms I’ve prepared—“

“no, it’s alright” Haewon interrupted, “I’ll stay in my room.”

“Are you sure dear? It hasn’t been aired in a while”

Haewon nodded, “of course, it’s where I’ll be most comfortable.”


She looked around, willing the walls not to speak too loudly to her. The room was full of memories Haewon had not visited for 5 years and was not ready to revisit.

She picked up a picture off her dresser and stared at the woman she only knew in a deteriorating memory.

“Umma, I’m back.I missed you.”

Like usual, no one replied.

Sighing, she put the picture back and lay down on her bed, closing her eyes to the slight pain engulfing her. It couldn’t reply anyways.

♡ PaNhia

[ ♡ ] Fanfic – I N | T O X I C A T I N G – chapters 1

After posting up the poster for my everyday fanfic, I was inspired to post up my most recent fanfics, which are actually korean themed from soompi. They were started in 2008 and have not been updated since but I’ll post what I have. This is a total direction change for me as I usually write Thai themed fics so bear with me and give me suggestions! The first one of two I have is called In|Toxicating featuring non-celebrities, so in essence, an original fic 🙂 Enjoy!

Title: I N | T O X I C A T I N G
An original story
Genre: drama/ bit of comedy
Setting: Seoul, Korea & NYC

Chapter 1 | Old Habits

The door dinged exactly three times, pausing for half a second before dinging again, exactly three consecutive dings. Chase always gave himself away with his lack of patience.

“coming, coming, coming—hold your horses.” Growling at the early hour, Haewon reached for the iron door, balancing her towel-hair concoction with her free hand.

Flipping over the latch like a giant safe lock, she pulled the medal handle immediately below the iron lock revealing a scrawny man with an I-should’ve-guessed expression.

“Am I really paying you that much?” she asked, eyeing his striped suit and silk tie. New, she concluded narrowing her eyes. Chase, her assistant, lived in two things: a tiny Manhatten studio and suits that could feed three 3rd world villages a year. His shoulder length hair was slicked back, probably held together by some expensive non-organic product that smelled of cats and tree bark, and he wore an expression that spoke of displeasure at Haewon’s state of dress. Picking invisible lent off his shoulder, he gave her a patronizing shrug, “with all that I do for you, I deserve it don’t you think? Speaking of my great devotion, here,” he said, stepping inside and extending something in his hand in her direction.

Haewon had just given up stuffing her hair back in the towel when she craned her neck around to see what her assistant offered. Immediately she smiled. “You are too good to me,” she squirmed, taking the coffee he offered.

“Well,” he began, fluttering his eyelashes at her knowingly, “there is a new Burberry trench I’ve been eyeing—-,” he supplied eagerly.

Haewon batted him away dismissively, “Not you—the coffee” she answered, knifing the hopeful gleam in his eyes in the gut. Chase never missed an opportunity to wrangle designer bonuses out of her.

“hmmmp” he pretended to pout, “see if Mr. starbucks will schedule your appointments then.”

Haewon set her coffee down, grinning at him. He gave up sooner than she expected. Good.

“Chase, you know you mean the worrrrrlld to me” she drawled out sarcastically. Turning from him she walked away towards her bedroom, “but I need to get dressed, be a doll and check my appointments for me today would you?”

“no appreciation whatsoever!” he huffed, clicking his blackberry. Immediately, wind chimes resounded somewhere from his left.

“who is it?” Haewon called from her bedroom. He could hear her pulling open drawers.

He picked up her blackberry and scanned the screen for the caller, “it’s your mother.”

Haewon poked her half blow dried head out the side of the bedroom door, “what? My mother?”

“should I pick up?” Chase asked, knowing exactly what would happen after this question. He could see it in his head. She would just contemplate it, not pick it up and then feel guilty and call back immediately.

“um…” she answered, returning to her room. Chase could see her hobbling around, trying to pull tight black boots over her leggings from where he stood.

“what should I do?” he pressed, craning his neck towards her.

“hold on,.I’m thinking..” She called over the chimes, knocking over something in her room that ensued in a large crash against the marble tiles. Chase cringed. Those tiles cost a fortune.

“well, it’s about to stop ringing” he continued, a bit of annoyance entering his voice. He didn’t know why she insisted on thinking about answering it when in the end she would just end up talking to her mother anyways.

It stopped ringing.

“hey, I don’t pay you to be short tempered with me.” Haewon chided, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. She was finally dressed, donning a fitted blazser he didn’t recognize over a white silk dress and leggings.

Chase shrugged at her, “and I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself, come on Haewon, you do this every time, it’s like you have double personalities or something; out there among men twice your age you’re like an iron fist but with this little asian woman half your height, you can’t speak a word for yourself.”

She did a little intake of breath, bending down to look for her keys, “well everything in my life besides that one small point is under control, with my mother, you never know what she’ll want next. Last time she called, she wanted me to set her up on a date with my client from the Herzan Online Deal and the time before that she asked me if I’d rip a corner of a marble tile in my bedroom so she can take a sample to be reproduced for her 2nd bathroom floor! I mean does she know how awkward it would be to ask my client to go on a date with my mother? And does she know how much it cost to commission those tiles?”

Chase shrugged again, an annoying habit of his, “so what, the woman’s a little off her rocker sometimes but she’s completely harmless.”

Haewon turned to look at him, “harmful, no, mentally and physically draining? That’s another thing.”

“so maybe she just wants to say hi,” he replied, not sure why he was defending the woman who once offered to give him her family discount for a gym membership because she thought he needed a little bulking up. Was she crazy? Bulk and Dolce just don’t go together.

“or maybe she has some crazy hair brained thing she wants me to assist her with.” Haewon countered, finally spying her keys in between two cushions.

He shrugged. Again. “well she lives across the globe so even if that was her motive it’s not like she can force you to do it.”

“Seoul or New York you know she’ll bug me until I answer her.”

“well you have been gone for 6 years” He reminded gently, arching his brows as if to make some sort of point.

“are you implying I should be regretting all of this?” she asked, flapping her arms around to make a point.

“you know that’s not what I’m saying” he drawled out, resigned to sipping his coffee, but you haven’t visited once and I know what you’re about to say, that you see her once a year but don’t forget that its always her coming to see you, not the other way around. You haven’t even thought about stepping foot in Seoul since you’ve been here.”

“ok ok,” Haewon exclaimed in defeat, “whatever, throw me my phone, I’ll call her back.”

Chase handed her the phone and waited for her to get going with it.

“I’m calling her…” She said as if warning him to stop her before she goes through with it.

He nodded, “I see that.” Haewon glared at him. Now? He chooses this moment to excersize patience?

“really doing it…” she tried again.


Haewon glared at him, “you know I’m starting to think you’re bipolar—Oh hi umma”

Chase watched as Haewon’s face changed from surprise, to intent, to apprehensive, to shocked, to hesitant, to furrowed brows, to stuttering in refusal, to guilt, then finally to resignation.

“alright,” Haewon muttered into the phone, her voice heavy with defeat, “I’ll see you then”

After that she hung up and slumped down onto her love seat. Luckily Haewon favored stiff seats or she would’ve been swallowed whole by the couch with the way she was sliding.

Chase immediately scooted over for details, “did I hear wrong or is the Lee Haewon finally returning to the motherland?”

Haewon didn’t utter a word, she looked as if she was just as shocked at the exchange and how she came out of it with a trip home.

“what did she say? Guilt you with the never-returning-thing? Some sudden cancer??? Mijung’s unexpected pregnancy????dish!!!”

Haewon shook her head, eyes focused on some far away point, “she just…asked for a favor…nicely”

Chase gasped, “oh no, not that! that nice thing gets you every time!”

“yes but this is the first time she’s asked me for a plain favor…”

“What does she want exactly?” Chase inquired seriously this time, his interest piqued.

Haewon looked up, the shock of her conversation with her mother finally showing some signs of ebbing, “she wants me to negotiate a meeting and possible contract with NG Enterprise to carry her boutique line.”

“so?” he shrugged, “just do it. That’s your specialty, compared to what you’ve been doing here, that should be a piece of cake.”

“you don’t understand, it’s not that simple. I’ve never seen her line in person, I have no idea what she’s been working on and NG isn’t just a mall department store, they only carry international lines, she’s aiming for the biggest fish there is; she wants me to get her small line into the Nieman Marcus of Korea, scratch that, the father and grandfather of Nieman’s”

“well, you could just…” He started suggestively, going into waters he knew she’d avoid if it killed her.

“no.” she answered immediately, “I’m not going to do that, she won’t approve of it anyways, you know that.”

He sighed, “it was worth a try. What a waste though, with that face, you wouldn’t even have to negotiate, just promise them to model your mother’s line and you know they’d snatch it up on the spot. You haven’t appeared in an ad for a year”

She shook her head, making to stand, “you know that’s not an option, the reason I’m here is because that’s not an option”

“which is ridiculous by the way” he added, following her out the door, “you can’t hide the fact that you’re so beau—“

She halted, spinning around to meet his eyes, “ok let’s drop this, I have two weeks to prepare, can you move my appointments around?”

He nodded, knowing not to push that topic.

[ ♡ ] Fanfiction Overhaul

I used to be very active in the fanfiction community, namely thai fanfictions. I actually started writing to practice for my bsts (a mn standarized test for 10th graders) but I just kept writing because I loved the rush of responses and how they shaped the outcome of my stories. But since I’ve gotten older, I’ve had less time to sit in front of a screen and more time to go out and thus, my fanfiction career slowly dissipated. I have not written anything of substance for a few years. I now keep a vault of the old stories in a forum and old data disks. If you want to read them, look forward to posts or go to:
Usagi_inc Forum

I did most of my writing at ETasia until they took it down. I have one missing fanfic that I didn’t save from that site so if anybody has a copy of “for 12 years” starring num and kob, please please let me know. In the mean time I’m doing a major overhaul of my fanfics starting with the most recent. I’m renaming most of them and changing a few characters here and there. Anyways here is a snapshot of my author bio from years and years ago at fanfictionrealm2
Here is the link to the page: Fan Fiction Realm 2

More recently (as in 2 years or so ago lol) I posted at the following two sites:

Sarnworld Forum

Spicy Forum

I’m trying to get back in the writing game, need more time and motivation! More updates soon.

♥ PaNhia

[ ♡ ] LPT Fanfic

I have a confession. I’m 23 and avidly read fanfics. I know, I know, it’s not normal but I started when I was 14 and haven’t gotten over it. Point is, I used to write and my friends asked me a long time ago to write a big story featuring every single one of them. Below is a sad attempt, it’s only a fragment though.

female leads:

amy – a trust fund party girl and owner of Club KAPPLE who has no problem displaying her excessive arrogance but often hides her softer, more charitable side. people think she’s just your typical in your face airhead but if they knew her best friend came from the slums they’d see she’s not all status and glam.

yangmee – Amy’s long time best friend and the exact oppposite. while amy is rich and outgoing, YM as they call her comes from a poor background and remains cold and hard to anyone other than amy. she has had trust issues since she was abandoned as a child a long time ago and it will take an extraordinary person to thaw her frozen heart. she works as amy’s head bartender in Kapple refusing to accept amy’s charity

Kay – a poor but sweet girl from the wrong side of town. ever since her parents died at the age of 11, she and her brother have taken care of eachother. when times fell hard on her best friend Melinda, she took Melinda in and together the three of them try to work hard to get out of their crappy hell hole. She is working on a degree and in the mean time has to find work to pay her way through school.

Melinda – Kay’s best friend and orphan, she now lives with Kay and her Brother working hard to pay them back for everything they’ve done for her. She’s currently a teacher in the village and wants nothing from life other than security and home.

Choua – rich society girl and sister of guy 3 with a serious case of princess syndrome. shes rich, beautiful and has no problem flaunting it in anyones or any cameras face. She can get anything she wants except for one thing—one man to be exact…and its driving her mad. she will do whatever it takes to get him with the help of her best friend and in the process maybe discover her desires are misplaced.

ph – marketing director for phalenworm records, shes worked her way up from an intern in the sales department. coming from a poor background shes still hasnt adjusted to her new status and often finds more in common with line workers than with managers. Very pretty, she has only ever been the one to chase the opposite sex once and has not bothered again after that last time. now she focuses on her work despite the daily offers to dinner.

christi – ph’s best friend and fashion designer. shes been hired through ph to design the photoconcept and concert line for one of phalenworm’s best selling artists future album and concert. she finds it disgusting that everyone in the entire world is so crazy over this one artist when she sees nothing special in him at all. she doesnt understand how anyone can be such a crazy fan and because of this butts heads with the artist all the the time.

malila – Amy’s little sister whose also the complete opposite of amy. She’s extremely shy and spends most of her time reading russian literature at home apart from the rest of the world. although she is wealthy and intelligent she is somewhat of a wall flower. for years she has harbored a secret love for one man but he never seems to notice her and even at times purposefully avoids her sweet intentions. Will she finally realize the key to getting what she wants is a major makeover?

maika – malila and amy’s step mother and wise beyond her years. although she is only a few years older than amy and percieved as a gold digger for marrying their 50 year old multibillionare father she is genuinely in love with him and concerned for the girls’ well being. doing her best to keep up appearances despite the media’s negative opinion of her, she’s working hard to show everyone her true intentions.

Guy 1 – Kay’s brother is a struggling mc raised out of the slums. He has taken care of his sister and her friend since their parents died. if only he could get his life long dream of a record deal their little family would be set for life. did i mention he’s sexy and bald? well he is. He works long and hard to find a gig to get exposure, finally landing himself in what may be the platform to the future becoming a dj and occasional mc in CLUB KAPLLE but what discovers is that the club has much more to offer than a record deal

Guy 2 – friend of Amy’s and owner of PhalenWrm Records, he visists club Kapple often to support Amy. He used to fancy himself in love with amy until he met a particular waitress in Amy’s club and has since been enamored with no other. but even with his wealth and looks, the beautiful bartender seems to be immune to him, maybe even distrusting of him.

Guy 3 – good friend of guy2, he’s the owner of multibillion dollar hotel and resort chain Kenrome and working hard to expand his father’s empire by creating more resorts. he’s a private person and lives mostly alone in his mansion with the exception of his sister and a few servents. Because he has his own trust issues he sets out to find a personal assistant to help keep his home life in order. But will the person he find end up disturbing him more than before?

Guy 4 – Renowned architect, he has made millions from his designs for resorts and hotels. Hired as head architect of Guy 3’s newest resort project in a village suburb of town, he’s planning on building the most magnificent thing he’s ever built. But what will happen when a little teacher gets in the way of his project doing the most ridiculous things to stall the removal of the village?

guy 5 – choua’s best freind and partner in crime. he’s the only one who can point chouas flaw to her face and not get slapped with a lawsuit for it. the only person she semi-listens to, he goes along with her stupid antics of getting the guy of her dreams to notice her only to realize in the process why he’s stuck with her for so long….will his true reasons reveal themselves to him? and maybe her?

guy 6 – mystery man

guy 7 – stage name is wangta and he’s phalenwrm’s best selling artist. gearing up for his next album and concert he finds himself having to work with the worlds most exasperating designer and not only that, she doesnt like him! no woman has ever disliked him or his ballads before so he sets out to make her like his music…and maybe more…

guy 8 – future senior vice president of Amy’s father’s company, he’s often percieved as a workaholic and never has time for the frivolous. Trained to take over the company since Amy’s father took him under his wing since his youth, hes focused completely on paying back the favor and even though he’s noticed the younger daughter’s attention on him, has taken it upon himself to distract himself from his growing feelings in respect for his boss.

guy 9 – although he appears only rarely in the story, he is a amy and malilas father and maikas husband. because he knew from early on that amy would not take over the family business and malila would only do it to make him happy, he took a young boy under his wing years ago and has since trained him to take over the family business even if he is an outsider. Working hard to keep the business going and to dispel the media’s negative view of his marraige to maika, he is often too busy to apear in the story lol.